My father wrote to insist that I test my firewall at home. Using this handy tool from Shields Up, you can test your shields and have your ports probed, too.

Anne sent this link to a story that reminds me of life in the trailer park. Take 15 minutes and enjoy the read. The photographic documentation is pretty good, too.

If you've never read the Future Files, by Tod Mafin. Here's a good chance. The April 16 issue includes links to time machines, cars that quit when you've had too much to drink, and computer eavesdropping.

3:00 am Saturday Morning
The alarm goes off after a meager 4 hours of sleep. I deftly hop in the shower, don my biking apparel, attach my bike to my car, throw my luggage in the car, and throw the cat out of the house.

4:07 am Saturday Morning
On the road headed west on Interstate 4. There's an announcement on the radio that I-4 is closed from SR 192 to somewhere west of there. Sure enough, 20 minutes later when I arrive at the SR 192 Exit, I am forced to exit off of I-4. I'm not really sure where I am except that I'm driving towards Hwy 27. At Hwy 27 I head towards Haines City, hoping I can get back onto I-4 there. There seem to be more trucks on this road than normal; perhaps this is the correct way to go.

4:47 am Saturday Morning
Back on I-4 headed to Tampa still wondering why the police shut down a portion of Interstate 4.

5:30 am Saturday Morning
Learn that Memorial Expressway and the Veterans Highway in Tampa are separate roads. Turn around twice nearly taking Eisenhower Blvd, before I manage to find my way back to the Veterans Highway - a toll road.

6:15 am Saturday Morning
Arrived safely in Odessa, at middle school from which the MS 150 originates. Parked and walking to registration I meet Andrea, who didn't realize all cyclists are required to wear helmets. I loan her my spare, Patricia's helmet, which I wore in the AIDS/HIV rides.

6:45 am Saturday Morning
Got tires topped off with just a little more air pressure. I left my overnight luggage at the luggage truck and filled water bottles and Camel-Bak. While eating half a Panera bagel a drinking some juice, ran into Bruce and Jose. Turned around, they were gone?

7:00 am Saturday Morning
Wandered over to starting line with Andrea. Realized she didn't have a water bottle either, and gave her one of mine. We waited for Bruce and Jose, who I quickly determined must have left in the first wave and so we left in the second wave. I rode with Andrea for a while, but she was a bit slower, so I tacked on with two girls riding a little faster, Nicole and Patty.

Rest Stop 1 - Saturday Morning
Arrived with Nicole and Patty. Realized I hadn't re-set my cyclometer and spent 5 minutes remembering how to zero it out. Rode out with Nicole and Patty on to Rest Stop 2 which was a little too soon to rest again at just 6 miles past Rest Stop 1. We buzzed past it. Rest stop 2 was at the entrance to the newly opened Suncoast Trail. Once on the trail, Nicole and Patty slowed significantly. I rode on ahead. In the fence between the trail and the toll road to the east were hundreds and hundreds of giant grasshoppers. I wish I had taken a picture of that. I thought they were all dead, but they were just resting.

Rest stop 3 - Saturday Morning
9:30 am is just a little too early for lunch. I was hungry, by the time I had visited the facilities and filled my plate with a small sandwich and cookie, Nicole and Patty joined me. I waited while they ate their lunch. We were just about ready to hop on our bikes and head on down the road when Bruce arrived. I waved Nicole and Patty on ahead and stopped to chat with Bruce. Bruce waited for Jose and Jose waited for Karen. After all this waiting I had been at lunch for more than 2 hours. I couldn't stand to watch Karen eat her food any more slowly so I took off on my own. I think we were the last 4 people to leave the lunch stop.

Rest Stop 4 - Saturday Morning (but just barely)
A quick visit to the portalet and a fine homemade chocolate chip cookie were my stop. There was a pale white tree frog in the toilet paper holder of the portalet I visited. At first I thought he was plastic, then he moved. I wish I‘d filled up my Camel-Bak. I ran out of water on the way to Rest Stop 5.

Rest Stop 5 - Saturday Afternoon
Rest Stop 5 ran out of water. Here I am with an empty Camel-Bak, no way of refilling it. I can't take the Gatorade, its too sweet. I truck on without a break on the 12-mile journey to Rest Stop 6, dehydrated. Rest Stop 5 marked the end of the trail. We were back on roads at this point. One road we traveled was in desperate need of repaving. It was rather bumpy. I was slowed to 11 mph. Eventually I pushed my way to Rest Stop 6 through a sharp headwind where there was in fact water.

Rest Stop 6 - Saturday Afternoon
I'm surprised Bruce hasn't caught up to me by now. He's a very fast rider. They couldn't have spent much more time at the lunch stop. I filled my water bottles and Camel-Bak up with water at Rest Stop 6. I learned the route had been shortened by 12 miles due to traffic congestion and unsafe riding conditions. In the heat, and with the dehydration I didn't mind missing out on 12 miles. I drank lots of water, ate a peanut butter and banana sandwich and headed of the remaining 8 miles to the finish line.

2:15 pm - Saturday Afternoon
I arrived at the finish line at the Weeki Wachee Springs water park. As I checked in, Jose exited one of the SAG vehicles. He said he saw me from the vehicle and thought I was really trucking. The last six miles along highway 19 were difficult with the heat, and the traffic and the sun, did I mention the heat. I had slowed keeping the number displayed on my heart rate monitor in check. Jose said Bruce had hung with him and Karen for quite some time and that he was very far behind me. Karen and Jose had both encountered bike trouble along the way. Bruce was out there riding solo because both Jose and Karen had sagged at different points in the course. We waited in the hot sun. I wanted a shower and to dive into the springs at the Water park. I felt obligated to wait.

4:30 pm - Saturday Afternoon
Karen and Bruce finally arrive. With a great amount of effort, Jose and Karen stash their bikes in the lock up. The four of us walk across the street to my hotel; Bruce and I take our bikes along. My room has one King bed. Jose, Karen and Bruce decide who will stay with me. Karen wins. I took a shower, followed by Karen, then Bruce, then Jose before we all take to napping we manage to walk over to the water park to see what events are in store.

6:00 pm - Saturday Evening
After exploring the park, we found some picnic benches and a nice couple from Tampa (Dan and Joy?) that rode today to chat with. Bruce and I are informed by the lifeguard that wading in the cool springs is not allowed. We climb out. Beer is served. Dan, Joy, Karen and I wander over to grab glasses for us as well as for Jose and Bruce.

7:00 pm - Saturday Evening
Dinner consisted of salad, rolls, penne alfredo (with or without chicken) and cookies. I think I went overboard on cookies this weekend already. I took one anyway. When the lifeguard goes away, we sneak back into the springs, this time accompanied by Dan.

7:30 pm - Saturday Evening
Announcements. The ride committee thanks everyone including the youngest rider, and those riders that raised the most money. A doctor spoke about advances in research for Multiple Sclerosis. A participant talked about his own personal struggle with MS. Prizes were awarded and a tired bunch of riders headed for the busses that would take them to their hotels. Bruce, Jose, Karen and I walked across the street to my hotel. Bruce and Jose grabbed their stuff. Karen and I passed out shortly.

6:00 am - Sunday Morning
Karen and I walked our luggage and mine and Bruce's bikes across the street to the water park. Karen sought out the bike tech to fix her tires while I sought out breakfast. I joined Dan and Joy for a breakfast of pancakes, cranberry oatmeal, coffee and juice. Later, I found Bruce and Jose near where I had parked my bike and Bruce's bike. Bruce took off to have the air pressure in his tires topped off. I decided my tires were just fine. I sat with Bruce while he, Jose and Karen dined, but as 7 am neared I grew tired of the waiting game and decided to definitely not wait for them today.

7:00 am - Sunday Morning
Rode out with Dan and Joy following them through the first rest stop and half way to the second. The sunrise was magnificent but I knew it warned of a hot day so I zoomed on ahead through the hills.

Rest Stop 2 - Sunday Morning
I topped off my Camel Bak and had a peanut butter sandwich. I was already sweating from the heat. Jose got off the short ride bus and searched for his bike. I was determined not to wait for anyone and took off on my own. It was then that I started meeting up with different pieces of a large group of 32 riders from Orlando. I drafted one of them part of the way to Rest Stop 3.

Rest Stop 3 - Sunday Morning
This was another short stop. I didn't check to see if the tree frog was still in the portalet. I rode off by myself. I was passed by a handful of riders along the way. Then a pack of 3 riders going just a little faster passed. I latched on to their group - Roger, Georgie, and Bob all the way to the overpass to lunch. I'm a bit slow on the hills so I couldn't keep up on as we climbed the overpass. The 7 or 8 miles I rode with this group really helped me sail ahead riding 2-3 mph faster than my normal pace.

Rest Stop 4 - 10:30 am Sunday Morning
This was the lunch stop today. The same white bread sandwiches but no more cookies were served. I was introduced to the entire 32 member Orlando gang. Roger had taken a spill on one of the speed bumps into lunch and the first aid personnel over bandaged the wound. He was milking it for all it was worth! I left lunch just ahead of most of the Orlando pack, but they caught up and passed me by the 10th mile after lunch. I rode most of the distance with one of their tribe, a lady on a Raleigh bike, I forget her name.

Rest Stop 5 - Sunday Morning
There was no shade to be found at rest stop 5. It was becoming hot and I really wanted the relief of some shade as I neared rest stop 5. I found just a little behind the RV from which the volunteers were serving up bananas and Gatorade. Sitting down, I enjoyed a Propel while getting to know more of Georgie's group. I'm in a lot of her documentary photographs! I drafted behind a member of the Tampa Freewheelers all the way to rest stop 6 along with one of the girls I had spent part of the day riding with. He was a good leader and kept a strong pace.

Rest Stop 6 - Sunday Morning
Rest Stop 6 was at a Texaco. The portalets were not within eyesight. I decided there must be better conditions at the finish line 10 miles away. Four of us drafted each other for the 10-mile ride back to the middle school. We changed out often, as everyone was tired. When it was my turn to lead, I was so worried, I'd go too slowly that I went too fast and left 3 of my buddies behind. I slowed about 2 miles from the finish to wait, and eventually 2 of them caught up with me.

The finish line - 12:15 pm
I thought I made pretty good time today. I waited for Bruce, Jose and Karen who arrived some time around 2:45 pm or so. The sun was hot. I didn't want to be out riding in the heat an extra 2 hours.

It was a fun adventure. I'll do it again in the fall. Andrea has not yet returned my water bottle or Patricia's helmet. I did find out why traffic on I-4 was diverted Saturday morning. A man was holding his two kids hostage. The kids are ok, but the police killed the man after he fired rounds out in the general direction of the police, according to the Orlando Sentinel. I-4 was closed for 11 hours starting around 11pm. The shots were fired around 4:30am, while I was being diverted. Imagine that.

When the service was installed I was somewhat surprised to discover that I could view 99 channels of television. I saw Bravo, the Food Network, USA, ESPN -- all kinds of stuff. I had been told that TimeWarner wasn't able to filter my television reception beyond Standard service, and enable me to continue my RoadRunner high speed internet subscription. Well, it seems not to be the case. TimeWarner was billing me for Standard cable service.

I called and demanded that they credit my account and provide me with just the BASIC service I had requested. Two days ago it happened. I can now only view local channels. All those extra channels are snowy reflections of their former images. I'm ok with it. I don't want to pay $40 a month for 99 channels of bad television anyway. I'd watch bad television, but only if it was free!

"Secretary's Day", or as it has more recently become known, "Executive Administrative Professional Co-Equal Assistant's Day", is a very special time of year; corporations across the globe pretend to salute the tireless efforts of their secretarial staff with perfunctory gifts and awards that have high perceived value and low actual cost.

It is a holiday like so many others that, under the pretense of honoring a particular population, primarily benefits the paper goods and floral industries, and thus contributes to the ongoing problem of deforestation*.

At Despair Incorporated, we're not content to simply capitalize on seasonal sales trends when the morale of a significant portion of our workforce might be sacrificed in consequence. Instead, prompted by the spirit of the season, we reflected upon the needs of that part of our team that does so much while asking so little.

A recent internal survey of Despair Inc.'s secretaries offered some revealing insights into the mind of today's working administrative assistants. Highlights from the survey include the following statistics:

• 61% think that the prospects for career growth within Despair itself are "dismal".
• Over 65% of those polled admitted feeling "overwhelmed" by the burdens placed upon them by their superiors.
• Over 70% feel that their employer "only pretends to listen" to their needs, with many adding that corporate efforts at redressing their specific concerns are "marginal" to "laughable" at best.
• A startling 82% believe that the polling itself reflects an inherent condescension by referring to their superiors as "superiors".
• When asked what their superiors could offer to redress their feelings of demoralization, a whopping 90% answered simply, "a promotion".

In response, Despair is proud to unveil a very special "Secretary's Day" promotion**!

From now until the end of the day tomorrow- April 24th- secretaries on our Wailing List will be able to use the following coupon code when placing an order via our website to receive $10 off any order of $25 or more!

executiveadministrativeprofessionalcoequalassistant
(Make sure to key the code EXACTLY as it appears above or you can expect to pay the idiot tax of $10...)

Despair fully expects executives, the unemployed, and disaffected college students on "The Wailing List" to abide by the honor code and not use this unusually generous coupon code for yourselves, unless you happen to be buying something for a secretary you know or employ.

Happy Secretary's Day!
Despair, Inc.
http://www.despair.com

* http://www.despair.com/inisvolherch.html
As many early subscribers to the "Wailing List" already know, deforestation sometimes leads to the dislocation of Amazonian Shamans like Chief Odosha, which can have terrifying consequences, as it did for the previous assistant to the typesetting editor of "The Wailing List". (Rest easy, Dave. It ain't the same.)

** Promotion NOT valid for employees of Despair Inc.
Employees of Despair may use the following code to receive the same discount:

ilovemysuperiors
(Use of this code may result in the phrase being appended to your employee survey before it is submitted for filing with Human Resources.)

Three other people, for a total of five were "let go" yesterday. This breaks the long running pattern of dismissals with the company I work at. They pay their employees on the fifteenth and last days of the months. Thus far dismissals have all occurred on Fridays or on Paydays.

The parent company of the company at which I work isn't doing very well financially right now. The child company, the company at which I work, however, is in the black. My agent says that they are 90+ days behind paying the invoices as submitted to them. This fact should trouble me more that it does. The company for which I work is nearly current with my pay. They changed banks from which the payroll is drawn two weeks ago and inadvertently bounced a check they had sent me. Before I knew the check had bounced, they hand delivered a replacement check to me. Now I am just out the $20 NSF fee, which they said they will include in the next check.

I'm making the company at which I work money right now, as I am a key player on a contract with positive cash flow. I am no more worried about my continued role with the company at which I work than normal. I can't say I don't spend part of my lunch hour perusing the listings at monster.com, though.

On another note, I found this post on Tim Bland's site put the middle east conflict into an interesting perspective. Let's be green and use less gasoline.

Coming Soon... a run down of my adventure riding the MS 150 from Tampa to Weeki Wachee this past weekend.

This morning when I woke up and put my glasses on, the nose pads were missing. That sure makes eyeglass wearing uncomfortable. They bothered me all morning. Just before lunch I stopped by the optical shop where I got the glasses I wore prior to this pair. They were so kind and installed a new set of nose pads free of charge. How nice is that?

I've had specs on my mind lately anyway. On Wednesday while driving home, I stopped by the Sam's Club and orderd a pair of prescription sunglasses. In my mind, I looked very cool in them, but since I couldn't see much of myself without my prescription lenses on there's no telling if I'll look cool or look like a dork. Lets all hope for the former. It turns out I have a unconsiously trendy sense of fashion. I found this blurb describing the frames I purchased:

Jaded locals may debate whether trolling clubland and breaching the velvet ropes is the antithesis of stimulating, but out-of-towners are our biggest cheerleaders, entering with pasty pallors and oodles of optimism and leaving with a tan and an intangible souvenir of SoBe in the form of a much cooler self-image. Last week for instance, Cadore Moda, an Italian manufacturer of chi chi sunglasses, revealed its new collection of J-Lo / Miami-inspired specs ---- appropriately named Icandi Eyewear -- at Mynt. Some hipsters delight in wearing their sunglasses at night -- a trend which, frankly, should have been long buried in the bargain bin with Corey Hart's stupid song. Cadore Moda president Paul Diaz III said he wanted a new line that ''reflected'' the flavor and energy of South Beach. Right. What could be shadier than South Beach?

Mij taught me to run. I don't think either one of us thought I could finish a marathon the year I first signed up for the Disney Marathon and the Jeff Galloway running training program through the Track Shack Foundation. I was definitely the slowest one on the track. On a good day I finished a 5K in under 40 minutes. Running continues to be difficult for me. That doesn't stop me from going running with my group every Saturday morning. It doesn't stop me from attending the track training sessions two days a week at 5:30 am, once the program begins.

Mij was there for every run. He ran with me when there was no one else to run with me. With his coaching, it wasn't long before I caught up to Elizabeth and Ed's pace, two people over 50 delighted to be kicking a young girl's butt. I finished that first marathon in just under 7 hours. I've run two more since and I continue to improve - though not as quickly as I would like. I run marathons 2 hours slower than a runner that calls himself "the penguin" and serves at the un-official ambassador for all slow runners, but not forever. I dream of finishing a 5K in under 30 minutes. I dream of finishing a marathon faster than Oprah!

Mij has always been an inspiration. I hope he is well enough to return to coach the marathon program this year. The running program isn't the same without him. When he feels well, we've seen him at the finish line of popular Orlando races. Just by sitting near the 13 mile mark of this year's Disney marathon, he provided a much needed burst of confidence, speed and energy. There aren't enough kind words to be said about him.

Marathoner takes first place in inspiration
By Terry O. Roen
Jim Kirwin, a former seminarian who trained runners for marathons, has been an inspiration and faithful leader at races throughout Central Florida.

The 6-foot-tall runner, still lean and muscled from years of pounding the pavement, is recovering from stomach cancer at his lakefront home. The closet door in the great room is covered with Hallmark cards and notes of encouragement from fellow runners who trained for marathons with Kirwin, a long-distance running coach for Track Shack, an Orlando running store.

A picture drawn by Dana Summers, an editorial cartoonist for the Orlando Sentinel, hangs over the fireplace. It shows Mij, which is Jim spelled backward, leading a group of beleaguered runners.

The runners call anything awkward or backward a "mij," explained Kirwin, who said he is notorious for doing things differently.

The redhead is best known for the elaborate costumes he wears -- Pinocchio and Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs -- to run the local Disney Marathon.

"The running groups are like his ministry," said Summers, who ran his first marathon in 1996 with his wife, Mary Jane. "He (Kirwin) is like the pastor who doesn't overlook anybody."

Kirwin will tell you he was never the first to cross the finish line and always had a special passion for the slower runners whom he taught to pace themselves with a walking and running strategy known as the Galloway Method to build endurance for a marathon.

Deirdre Brown, a technology facilitator for Assistive Technology Educational Network in Sanford, said that Kirwin helped her achieve a lifelong goal of running a marathon.

"Even as a slower runner, I felt I had achieved as much as the fast runners," said Brown, who started running with her husband.

When injuries prevented both from running a marathon they had spent five months preparing for, Kirwin helped get them back in shape the next year.

"Jim was so wonderful and supportive," she said.

Kirwin's doctors believe that his strength helped him endure the removal of his stomach and spleen and part of his pancreas.

Since the June operation on his 61st birthday, Kirwin has had four sets of chemotherapy and 25 days of radiation treatment.

Dr. David Smith, Kirwin's oncologist, said the risk of reoccurrence for the stomach cancer is more than 50 percent. The chemotherapy and radiation were done to reduce the risk of a relapse, he said.

Smith met Kirwin four years ago when he started running. The doctor said he put Kirwin's name down as someone he admired on an application he filled out to appear on the television show Survivor.

"Here's a guy in his 50s who dropped out of a good career and started chasing his dream," Smith said.

"He inspired me by saying there are more important things than making a good living."

Kirwin was a computer programmer, who retired from T.G. Lee Diaries in Orlando at the age of 59 to take the running coach job at Track Shack. He started pacing his daughter, Pam, when she began running for her junior high school team nearly 20 years ago.

"Instead of going out with the boys, I would go out with my daughter," Kirwin said.

Four years ago, the running coach started a prayer group called Epic that attracts about 400 runners before the annual Disney Marathon. The runners meet for 15 minutes to hear Scripture readings and prayers from a fellow runner, who is a priest, preacher or minister.

"One of the problems in our society is that so many activities interfere with traditional Sunday habits," said Kirwin, who attends Blessed Trinity Church in Orlando. "Epic is what you should be doing on Sunday morning."

Father Bob Wiseman, CSC, associate pastor of St. John the Evangelist Church in Viera, trained with Kirwin to prepare for his second marathon in 1998.

The priest ran his first the year before to commemorate his 50th birthday and is training for his next marathon in Alaska.

"He knows your personal stories and really connects with your life at the time," said Father Wiseman, who counseled Kirwin when he was deciding to leave his career for the coaching job. "Jim knew how to work with people. He knew their story in the best sense and always made you feel special. He struggled with leaving but felt called to a different mission."

Kirwin was in high school when he attended Divine Word Seminary in Kingston, Mass. He left at 18 because he said he discovered he liked girls better than the seminary. He married his wife, Sandy, and they had three children and seven grandchildren.

"When we got married 39 years ago, we said it was for better or worse in sickness and good health," said Kirwin as his blue eyes rimmed with tears.

"When you get a major sickness, your vows come out very clearly. She bathes and feeds me."

Sandy Kirwin said that watching her husband's recovery has been like a roller coaster ride and added that it is hard to see him not involved with people. She refers to her husband as the Pied Piper who has always naturally attracted a crowd of friends.

Track Shack owner Jon Hughes said Kirwin has always led a flock from the Boy Scouts, when his sons were young, to groups of runners. Kirwin goes out at 2 a.m. to distribute water containers and mark the course with flour for runners who lag behind the group on long weekend runs.

That dedication has been rewarded by runners who mow their coach's grass, bring meals to the home and fix things around the house.

"You give to people and somewhere along the line they will return it to you," said Hughes, who is counting on Kirwin to train a new group of marathoners.

Kirwin compares himself to Rip Van Winkle because of the hours he sleeps each day. The marathoner said a half-mile walk is an effort but he has vowed to be back to work next month to coach the next group of runners.

Dad didn't exactly call it stuff. I think "crap" was his description. In my mind, I ran through the scene in National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation where the old aunt wraps the cat as a gift and presents a Jell-O mold with kitty kibble garnish for dinner. Grandma hasn't wrapped up any cats as presents but she does make a habit of sticking stickers on her possessions with the initials of the family member she would like to receive that item -- when she's gone. Its morbid to those of us on this side of the generation gap. I remember once she handed my sister and I stickers and told us to go pick out what we wanted.

I couldn't imagine what Grandma had decided she needed to send me. In our last conversation she described a type of "cookie" she once made. I had told her about the bunny cake party and she told me about her favorite strawberry confection - which I admitted I had never tasted. Her strawberries are rice crispy treats shaped into "strawberries" rolled in pink sugar with green icing for leaves. She promised to send me some. I try to send her cookies when ever I can. She's partial to the Oatmeal Toffee Chocolate Cherry cookies I make at Christmas-time. I got the recipe from Martha Stewart. They've been a favorite among my family the last few years.

The box was too large to contain just a small sampling of her odd little strawberry confections. Opening it in the living room revealed an Anne doll from the Anne of Green Gables series that airs on PBS during fundraising drives. I don't know how many people I've told that I enjoy the Anne series on PBS. I watch it every time I catch it on PBS. Its long! Anne of Green Gables alone is 3 hours long. I loved the books growing up and I think the producers did an excellent job of creating television out of the stories in the books. For Christmas last year my sister gave me the 3 DVD set and a script of the first of the series. According to my mother's note, Grandma was watching the Anne series on PBS during a fundraising drive. She pledged her monetary support for public television and in kind received an Anne doll. I assume she and the ladies in her building ogled over it for a few days, before Grandma decided to send it to me. Thanks Grandma. I must find an appropriate place to display the doll.

Digging further in the box I found a older piece of costume jewelry. Bright, shiny, bold, gaudy costume jewelry inappropriate for wear in nearly every social situation today. Its fun to look at. It is a necklace with large hex-cut glass beads of varying sizes. I have several pieces of similar style. They look pretty in my jewelry box.

On the bottom of the large parcel was another parcel, wrapped in plastic. Removing the plastic revealed a somewhat damp box and the aroma of fresh tomatoes. Five some what bruised and one nearly demolished tomatoes were inside. They taste just as good as the last tomato delivery, but the packaging was not nearly as effective. I ate two most smooshed tomatoes immediately. Three more I cut into a salad - half is with me for lunch, the other half awaits me for dinner. The least damaged tomato remains. It is quite soft but was the only tomato without a gash in its side or top. Just as tasty, twice as messy, but I'm not complaining.

After today's trip to the local Subway, I now know. The sandwiches got smaller. When Subway was the only Sub Club on the market it was a nice treat. Now with Publix supermarket making the best subs in the area, I have found little reason to return to Subway in the last 5 years. Why go to Subway when you can go to Publix and get a bigger, better tasting sub, made by friendlier employees, cheaper? Or I could go to Duffy's and get an even more less expensive sub made by marginally friendly employees, but heck its fast and cheap what more do you want!

Today we went to Subway because I saw advertising for a free cookie with order, today only, on television. I was disappointed in my lunch. Subway's subs have gotten much much smaller. This alone explains Jared's dramatic weight loss. The new "breads" aren't as tasty as the original and the asiago bread I had today certainly wasn't worth the added calories.

If you want Asiago bread - go to Panera. If you want a good sub cheap go to Publix. At least the free cookie was good -- even if it appears they have shrunk in size for the special promotion day!

Here I am, an hourly worker. I arrived at 8am Wednesday morning. I left at 8pm Wednesday evening. I worked through lunch. That's 12 hours for the math challenged. So I should be paid 8 hours straight time and 4 hours of overtime. But the organization I work for doesn't pay overtime - as if they can say that. So the culture here is to take "comp time." The problem with this is that my 4 hours of overtime should be paid at a rate of time and a half. The "comp time" assuming it doesn't simply get washed under the bridge like in the past will be returned at a 1 for 1 rate. 4 hours of "comp time" for my 4 hours of overtime. That's fuzzy math if you ask me.

4 * mypayrate ≠ 4 * 1.5 * mypayrate.

I loose to the tune of 2 hours of my life or 2 * mypayrate.

And that's if I was actually allowed to take all the "comp time" I earned.

I worked through lunch on Tuesday and stayed half an hour past my regular shift. I'm entitled to 1.5 hours of overtime pay. I won't get it though. Worse than that is I'm not the only person facing this accepted form of bait and switch.

Comp Time earned this week*: 7.5
Comp Time past due**: 24
Comp Time received: 0
Overtime received: 0

* Comp Time at overtime rate of 1.5 hours for every hour worked
**From previous weeks since January 01 2002

I spent a few moments playing Zork online today during lunch. I was pretty good at the game when I was in the 6th grade. That was a long time ago. I got stuck and frustrated in the bank after about 20 minutes. I did manage to retrieve the sword and the jewel encrusted egg before giving up.

I ate the last of the tomatoes today for lunch. Tomorrow is the big "One day, one dollar, any sandwich." day at the bp connect. The advertisement claims that on Thursday, April 11, from 11:00 am to 6:00 pm any fresh, delicious sandwich is only $1. The Wild Bean Cafe, which is run by Panera and exists inside bp connect stores, is generally a good, but expensive place to grab a sandwich. 17 Orlando area locations are participating in the big event. The small print reads: Limit one sandwich per person per day. While supplies last. Not valid with any other offer. Void where prohibited. Customer pay sales tax. Only available at Wild Bean Cafes and only at participating locations in the Orlando area.

For those of you in the Orlando Area, here are the addresses of the 17 participating locations:
9999 South Orange Blossom Trail, Orlando 32837
165 South Goldenrod, Orlando 32807
4485 13th Street, St. Cloud 34769
2115 Orange Blossom Trail, Apopka 32703
5299 W. Bronson Memorial Hwy., Kissimmee 34746
6250 W. Colonial Dr., Orlando 32808
4600 N. Alafaya Trail, Orlando 32826
8550 Curry Ford Rd., Orlando 32829
12922 E. Colonial Dr., Orlando 32826
9998 E. Colonial Dr., Orlando 32801
12253 Lake Underhill Rd., Orlando 32825
4410 Lake Mary Blvd., Lake Mary 32746
11299 University Blvd., Orlando 32817
1515 Semoran Blvd., Winter Park 32927
109 E. Altamonte Dr., Altamonte Springs 32701
1605 Semoran Blvd., Orlando 32822
4680 N. Orange Blossom Trail, Orlando 32804

So here's a news story about a kid that killed himself supposedly over Everquest, a game from Sony. I have a friend who's wife plays that game. He swears that software screwed up his computer. He complains that ever since that software was loaded, the computer runs significantly slower. I haven't spent much time with his computer. I'll take his word on it.

And here's a story of a guy who got so frustrated with bad customer support and a computer that couldn't be fixed that he destroyed it in the store with a sledgehammer.

But when I found this game had returned, when I found out that what I once played on my IBM 8088, off a big floppy disk, was now on the web... well, I may have to find some hours to remember how to play Zork.

This lesson only took 2 hours to learn.

1. Fish - these glass fish were arranged in a fisherman's net.


2. I thought this painted furniture was pretty


3. This one man band represented some of the outdoor entertainment


4. These flowers are made of fish scales.


5. Flowers made of fish scales --- reallly.


6. These birds can help make your yard like the rest of Florida, incomplete with out a flamingo.


7. These men in togas were selling Gazpacho and Ceaser Salad.


8. This is a rock climbing wall made to look like a pop tart.


9. This kid climbed the giant pop-tart / rock wall.


10. These flowers are made of rubber. Really. They have an interesting flower like texture when you touch them.


11. This old ice cream maker was actually running, but the people selling ice cream weren't selling the stuff made by this machine.


12. More glass fish -- Is it a trend?

This web page is a prototype of an eLearning application for a major department store retailer. It suffers from scope creep. While I'm banging my head away on my desk trying to figure out why the agent isn't telling the video player to start, or the video player starts before the agent is finished, I get a note saying that the client wants more flash, more sound, more pizzazz on the web application -- and oh, by the way can we have that before 5 pm Friday, East Coast Time? In my head I mentally grabbed my imaginary voodoo doll of the client and shoved pins in its eyes. Well, yes, but that's an increase in scope. We certainly can't deliver that in less that 3 hours, but given time, resources and money, we can give you what ever you want. Can you make the lessons branch, the client asks. Why yes, in my original application design modifications to the programming model would have been easy to implement, but since you insisted that you could update every object on every page without ever seeing even the smallest fragment of an HTML tag, and since I've built an over-the-top database and .NET / SQL Content Creation Tool based on linear movement through a course, the answer is yes - with more time, money and resources.

Argh! When 5pm arrived I had the administrator push the prototype to the external server. He left and I roamed about the building testing it on various machines. It works on mine, when accessed locally. I does not work anywhere from the remote server, the server the client can see. The agent does not work at all. The videos don't load, and the audio files don't play.

Monday -- I'll figure out why on Monday.

My mother and I are big fan's of Joe's tomatoes. They are only available a few months out of the year. They are best in June and July. By September they will all be gone. When I lived in NC we would visit the farmer's market twice a week during the summer months to purchase Joe's tomatoes. Summer lunches were a long line of tomato sandwiches which were made of thick tomato slices on toasted bread brushed with the fat-free version of Hellmann’s best and a little salt and pepper. Dinners included an amazing tomato salad made of cut tomatoes, marinated for hours at room temperature on the kitchen table in the best olive oil with a little salt, pepper and oregano. Sopping up the juice with bits of Italian bread after the tomatoes were gone was a task I grudgingly shared with my father who also considered the juice the best part of the salad.

I haven't found tomatoes as good as Joe's tomatoes in Florida - anywhere. I've searched farmer's markets and supermarkets to no avail. Joe's tomatoes are full of flavor, the tomatoes I find in Florida may look as red and voluptuous as Joe's but they lack the characteristic flavor of Joe's. Florida tomatoes are watery and flavorless all year long. I have not given up on my search. I have not yet scoured every Central Florida fruit stand and farmer's market. I will persevere in my quest to find tomatoes that are nearly as good as Joe's in Florida. Since, I'm not in NC often during the summer months, I can not obtain the beautiful, yummy fruit on my own. This is the second time my mother has delivered some of Joe's bounty to me in Florida. The remaining 5 tomatoes will be devoured before Monday.

We are a loud and lively group on Tuesday. Lewis often remarks how the Tuesday class is full of a good energy unlike some of the other classes. He explains this energy is evident in the uproarious pre-yoga chatter that occurs before class. Lewis goes on to explain that in some of the other classes the students take their mats quietly, sitting patiently and silently waiting for class to begin, while in others students take their mats quietly, then methodically, seriously and silently stretch as they wait for class to begin.

The class on Tuesday night is full of chatter. We have fun. We learn what has occurred in each other's lives since the previous Tuesday's class. We laugh at ourselves when we fall during a balancing pose. We groan when Lewis holds a particularly challenging pose one breath too long. Its not so much the yoga that keeps me returning to class each week. Its my fellow classmates and our amazingly warm spirited instructor, Lewis.

Tuesday night in yoga I was able to get into the pose known as upward facing bow for the first time. This pose has been a challenge for me. I don't like doing the series of backbends. Everyone has favorite and least favorite poses. I hope I can still do it next week. Like this balancing pose (picture to the right) sometime I can do it, sometimes not so much.

The latest on Dieting:

• The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.


• On the other hand, the French eat a lot of fat and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.


• The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.


• The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.

Network Working Group L. Masinter
Request for Comments: 2324 1 April 1998
Category: Informational

Hyper Text Coffee Pot Control Protocol (HTCPCP/1.0)

Status of this Memo

This memo provides information for the Internet community. It does not specify an Internet standard of any kind. Distribution of this memo is unlimited.

Copyright Notice

Copyright (C) The Internet Society (1998). All Rights Reserved.

Abstract

This document describes HTCPCP, a protocol for controlling, monitoring, and diagnosing coffee pots.

1. Rationale and Scope

There is coffee all over the world. Increasingly, in a world in which computing is ubiquitous, the computists want to make coffee. Coffee brewing is an art, but the distributed intelligence of the web-connected world transcends art. Thus, there is a strong, dark, rich requirement for a protocol designed espressoly for the brewing of coffee. Coffee is brewed using coffee pots. Networked coffee pots require a control protocol if they are to be controlled.

Increasingly, home and consumer devices are being connected to the Internet. Early networking experiments demonstrated vending devices connected to the Internet for status monitoring [COKE]. One of the first remotely _operated_ machine to be hooked up to the Internet, the Internet Toaster, (controlled via SNMP) was debuted in 1990 [RFC2235].

The demand for ubiquitous appliance connectivity that is causing the consumption of the IPv4 address space. Consumers want remote control of devices such as coffee pots so that they may wake up to freshly brewed coffee, or cause coffee to be prepared at a precise time after the completion of dinner preparations.

This document specifies a Hyper Text Coffee Pot Control Protocol (HTCPCP), which permits the full request and responses necessary to control all devices capable of making the popular caffeinated hot beverages.

HTTP 1.1 ([RFC2068]) permits the transfer of web objects from origin servers to clients. The web is world-wide. HTCPCP is based on HTTP. This is because HTTP is everywhere. It could not be so pervasive without being good. Therefore, HTTP is good. If you want good coffee, HTCPCP needs to be good. To make HTCPCP good, it is good to base HTCPCP on HTTP.

Future versions of this protocol may include extensions for espresso machines and similar devices.

2. HTCPCP Protocol

The HTCPCP protocol is built on top of HTTP, with the addition of a few new methods, header fields and return codes. All HTCPCP servers should be referred to with the "coffee:" URI scheme (Section 4).

2.1 HTCPCP Added Methods

2.1.1 The BREW method, and the use of POST

Commands to control a coffee pot are sent from client to coffee server using either the BREW or POST method, and a message body with Content-Type set to "application/coffee-pot-command".

A coffee pot server MUST accept both the BREW and POST method equivalently. However, the use of POST for causing actions to happen is deprecated.

Coffee pots heat water using electronic mechanisms, so there is no fire. Thus, no firewalls are necessary, and firewall control policy is irrelevant. However, POST may be a trademark for coffee, and so the BREW method has been added. The BREW method may be used with other HTTP-based protocols (e.g., the Hyper Text Brewery Control Protocol).

2.1.2 GET method

In HTTP, the GET method is used to mean "retrieve whatever information (in the form of an entity) identified by the Request- URI." If the Request-URI refers to a data-producing process, it is the produced data which shall be returned as the entity in the response and not the source text of the process, unless that text happens to be the output of the process.

In HTCPCP, the resources associated with a coffee pot are physical, and not information resources. The "data" for most coffee URIs contain no caffeine.

2.1.3 PROPFIND method

If a cup of coffee is data, metadata about the brewed resource is discovered using the PROPFIND method [WEBDAV].

2.1.4 WHEN method

When coffee is poured, and milk is offered, it is necessary for the holder of the recipient of milk to say "when" at the time when sufficient milk has been introduced into the coffee. For this purpose, the "WHEN" method has been added to HTCPCP. Enough? Say WHEN.

2.2 Coffee Pot Header fields

HTCPCP recommends several HTTP header fields and defines some new ones.

2.2.1 Recommended header fields

2.2.1.1 The "safe" response header field.

[SAFE] defines a HTTP response header field, "Safe", which can be used to indicate that repeating a HTTP request is safe. The inclusion of a "Safe: Yes" header field allows a client to repeat a previous request if the result of the request might be repeated.

The actual safety of devices for brewing coffee varies widely, and may depend, in fact, on conditions in the client rather than just in the server. Thus, this protocol includes an extension to the "Safe" response header:

Safe = "Safe" ":" safe-nature
safe-nature = "yes" | "no" | conditionally-safe
conditionally-safe = "if-" safe-condition
safe-condition = "user-awake" | token

indication will allow user agents to handle retries of some safe requests, in particular safe POST requests, in a more user-friendly way.

2.2.2 New header fields

2.2.2.1 The Accept-Additions header field

In HTTP, the "Accept" request-header field is used to specify media types which are acceptable for the response. However, in HTCPCP, the response may result in additional actions on the part of the automated pot. For this reason, HTCPCP adds a new header field, "Accept-Additions":

Accept-Additions = "Accept-Additions" ":"
#( addition-range [ accept-params ] )

addition-type = ( "*"
| milk-type
| syrup-type
| sweetener-type
| spice-type
| alcohol-type
) *( ";" parameter )
milk-type = ( "Cream" | "Half-and-half" | "Whole-milk"
| "Part-Skim" | "Skim" | "Non-Dairy" )
syrup-type = ( "Vanilla" | "Almond" | "Raspberry"
| "Chocolate" )
alcohol-type = ( "Whisky" | "Rum" | "Kahlua" | "Aquavit" )

2.2.3 Omitted Header Fields

No options were given for decaffeinated coffee. What's the point?

2.3 HTCPCP return codes

Normal HTTP return codes are used to indicate difficulties of the HTCPCP server. This section identifies special interpretations and new return codes.

2.3.1 406 Not Acceptable

This return code is normally interpreted as "The resource identified by the request is only capable of generating response entities which have content characteristics not acceptable according to the accept headers sent in the request. In HTCPCP, this response code MAY be returned if the operator of the coffee pot cannot comply with the Accept-Addition request. Unless the request was a HEAD request, the response SHOULD include an entity containing a list of available coffee additions.

In practice, most automated coffee pots cannot currently provide additions.

2.3.2 418 I'm a teapot

Any attempt to brew coffee with a teapot should result in the error code "418 I'm a teapot". The resulting entity body MAY be short and stout.

3. The "coffee" URI scheme

Because coffee is international, there are international coffee URI schemes. All coffee URL schemes are written with URL encoding of the UTF-8 encoding of the characters that spell the word for "coffee" in any of 29 languages, following the conventions for internationalization in URIs [URLI18N].

coffee-url = coffee-scheme ":" [ "//" host ]
["/" pot-designator ] ["?" additions-list ]

coffee-scheme = ( "koffie" ; Afrikaans, Dutch
| "q%C3%A6hv%C3%A6" ; Azerbaijani
| "%D9%82%D9%87%D9%88%D8%A9" ; Arabic
| "akeita" ; Basque
| "koffee" ; Bengali
| "kahva" ; Bosnian
| "kafe" ; Bulgarian, Czech
| "caf%C3%E8" ; Catalan, French, Galician
| "%E5%92%96%E5%95%A1" ; Chinese
| "kava" ; Croatian
| "k%C3%A1va ; Czech
| "kaffe" ; Danish, Norwegian, Swedish
| "coffee" ; English
| "kafo" ; Esperanto
| "kohv" ; Estonian
| "kahvi" ; Finnish
| "%4Baffee" ; German
| "%CE%BA%CE%B1%CF%86%CE%AD" ; Greek
| "%E0%A4%95%E0%A5%8C%E0%A4%AB%E0%A5%80" ; Hindi
| "%E3%82%B3%E3%83%BC%E3%83%92%E3%83%BC" ; Japanese
| "%EC%BB%A4%ED%94%BC" ; Korean
| "%D0%BA%D0%BE%D1%84%D0%B5" ; Russian
| "%E0%B8%81%E0%B8%B2%E0%B9%81%E0%B8%9F" ; Thai
)

pot-designator = "pot-" integer ; for machines with multiple pots
additions-list = #( addition )

All alternative coffee-scheme forms are equivalent. However, the use of coffee-scheme in various languages MAY be interpreted as an indication of the kind of coffee produced by the coffee pot. Note that while URL scheme names are case-independent, capitalization is important for German and thus the initial "K" must be encoded.

4. The "message/coffeepot" media type

The entity body of a POST or BREW request MUST be of Content-Type "message/coffeepot". Since most of the information for controlling the coffee pot is conveyed by the additional headers, the content of "message/coffeepot" contains only a coffee-message-body:

coffee-message-body = "start" | "stop"

5. Operational constraints

This section lays out some of the operational issues with deployment of HTCPCP ubiquitously.

5.1 Timing Considerations

A robust quality of service is required between the coffee pot user and the coffee pot service. Coffee pots SHOULD use the Network Time Protocol [NTP] to synchronize their clocks to a globally accurate time standard.

Telerobotics has been an expensive technology. However, with the advent of the Cambridge Coffee Pot [CAM], the use of the web (rather than SNMP) for remote system monitoring and management has been proven. Additional coffee pot maintenance tasks might be accomplished by remote robotics.

Web data is normally static. Therefore to save data transmission and time, Web browser programs store each Web page retrieved by a user on the user's computer. Thus, if the user wants to return to that page, it is now stored locally and does not need to be requested again from the server. An image used for robot control or for monitoring a changing scene is dynamic. A fresh version needs to be retrieved from the server each time it is accessed.

5.2 Crossing firewalls

In most organizations HTTP traffic crosses firewalls fairly easily. Modern coffee pots do not use fire. However, a "firewall" is useful for protection of any source from any manner of heat, and not just fire. Every home computer network SHOULD be protected by a firewall from sources of heat. However, remote control of coffee pots is important from outside the home. Thus, it is important that HTCPCP cross firewalls easily.

By basing HTCPCP on HTTP and using port 80, it will get all of HTTP's firewall-crossing virtues. Of course, the home firewalls will require reconfiguration or new versions in order to accommodate HTCPCP-specific methods, headers and trailers, but such upgrades will be easily accommodated. Most home network system administrators drink coffee, and are willing to accommodate the needs of tunnelling HTCPCP.

6. System management considerations

Coffee pot monitoring using HTTP protocols has been an early application of the web. In the earliest instance, coffee pot monitoring was an early (and appropriate) use of ATM networks [CAM].

The traditional technique [CAM] was to attach a frame-grabber to a video camera, and feed the images to a web server. This was an appropriate application of ATM networks. In this coffee pot installation, the Trojan Room of Cambridge University laboratories was used to give a web interface to monitor a common coffee pot. of us involved in related research and, being poor, impoverished academics, we only had one coffee filter machine between us, which lived in the corridor just outside the Trojan Room. However, being highly dedicated and hard-working academics, we got through a lot of coffee, and when a fresh pot was brewed, it often didn't last long.

This service was created as the first application to use a new RPC mechanism designed in the Cambridge Computer Laboratory - MSRPC2. It runs over MSNL (Multi-Service Network Layer) - a network layer protocol designed for ATM networks.

Coffee pots on the Internet may be managed using the Coffee Pot MIB [CPMIB].

7. Security Considerations

Anyone who gets in between me and my morning coffee should be insecure.

Unmoderated access to unprotected coffee pots from Internet users might lead to several kinds of "denial of coffee service" attacks. The improper use of filtration devices might admit trojan grounds.Filtration is not a good virus protection method.

Putting coffee grounds into Internet plumbing may result in clogged plumbing, which would entail the services of an Internet Plumber [PLUMB], who would, in turn, require an Internet Plumber's Helper. Access authentication will be discussed in a separate memo.

8. Acknowledgements

Many thanks to the many contributors to this standard, including Roy Fielding, Mark Day, Keith Moore, Carl Uno-Manros, Michael Slavitch, and Martin Duerst. The inspiration of the Prancing Pony, the CMU Coke Machine, the Cambridge Coffee Pot, the Internet Toaster, and other computer controlled remote devices have led to this valuable creation.

9. References

[RFC2068] Fielding, R., Gettys, J., Mogul, J., Frystyk, H., and T.Berners-Lee, "Hypertext Transfer Protocol -- HTTP/1.1", RFC 2068, January 1997.

[RFC2186] Wessels, D., and K. Claffy, "Internet Cache Protocol (ICP), version 2," RFC 2186, September 1997

[CPMIB] Slavitch, M., "Definitions of Managed Objects for Drip-Type Heated Beverage Hardware Devices using SMIv2", RFC 2325, 1 April 1998.

[HTSVMP] Q. Stafford-Fraser, "Hyper Text Sandwich Van Monitoring Protocol, Version 3.2". In preparation.

[RFC2295] Holtman, K., and A. Mutz, "Transparent Content Negotiation in HTTP", RFC 2295, March 1998.

[SAFE] K. Holtman. "The Safe Response Header Field", September 1997.

[CAM] "The Trojan Room Coffee Machine", D. Gordon and M. Johnson, University of Cambridge Computer Lab,

[CBIO] "The Trojan Room Coffee Pot, a (non-technical) biography", Q. Stafford-Fraser, University of Cambridge Computer Lab, .

[RFC2235] Zakon, R., "Hobbes' Internet Timeline", FYI 32, RFC 2230, November 1997. See also

[NTP] Mills, D., "Network Time Protocol (Version 3) Specification, Implementation and Analysis", RFC 1305, March 1992.

[URLI18N] Masinter, L., "Using UTF8 for non-ASCII Characters in Extended URIs" Work in Progress.

[PLUMB] B. Metcalfe, "Internet Plumber of the Year: Jim Gettys", Infoworld, February 2, 1998.

[COKE] D. Nichols, "Coke machine history", C. Everhart, "Interesting uses of networking", .

10. Author's Address

Larry Masinter
Xerox Palo Alto Research Center
3333 Coyote Hill Road
Palo Alto, CA 94304

EMail: masinter@parc.xerox.com

11. Full Copyright Statement

Copyright (C) The Internet Society (1998). All Rights Reserved.

This document and translations of it may be copied and furnished to others, and derivative works that comment on or otherwise explain it or assist in its implementation may be prepared, copied, published and distributed, in whole or in part, without restriction of any kind, provided that the above copyright notice and this paragraph are included on all such copies and derivative works. However, this document itself may not be modified in any way, such as by removing the copyright notice or references to the Internet Society or other Internet organizations, except as needed for the purpose of developing Internet standards in which case the procedures for copyrights defined in the Internet Standards process must be followed, or as required to translate it into languages other than English.

The limited permissions granted above are perpetual and will not be revoked by the Internet Society or its successors or assigns.

This document and the information contained herein is provided on an "AS IS" basis and THE INTERNET SOCIETY AND THE INTERNET ENGINEERING TASK FORCE DISCLAIMS ALL WARRANTIES, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO ANY WARRANTY THAT THE USE OF THE INFORMATION HEREIN WILL NOT INFRINGE ANY RIGHTS OR ANY IMPLIED WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY OR FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE.

Other April celebrations include:
April 7 - Daylight Savings Time begins
April 24 - Administrative Professionals Day

April is:
National Poultry Month
National Lamb Month
National Pecan Month
Fresh Florida Tomato Month